heart ache... heart broken.......

yesterday went out to play badminton with my sister and pn.pui..
wow.. she so lihai in playing badminton.. LOL
then.. when we went home.. mum wasnt at home..
she went out with dad..
so me and my sister went to have dinner after bath..
then.. around 9 sumthing..
my mum called and ask us to fetch her..
then we say ok..
wait after we finish eating..
then around 9.30pm.. we went to fetch my mum home..
and we found out that.. MUM IS LOST!!!
we don know where she go...
we walk all around the place...
i half search for my mum.. and half crying...
i'm so scare things will happen upon my mum..
nowadays people is so bad..
i afraid bad things would happen..
i cry because im afraid.
but my sis scolded me..
"WHAT ARE YOU CRYING AT? SHUT UPPPPPP!!!"
I care for my mum k? i hate this feeling..
at that time.. who i was think of was him
i needed him be my side at that moment..
and i jus realise...
he not my friend anymore...
he not beside me anymore...
i missssss him.... i wonder how is he now..
i wonder.. is he fine? i wonder.. is he happy?
my mind was all him..
today.. went to mbks...
have accident =X
my leg and hand is so pain..
but...
it wasn't as pain as what my heart feel..

time has passes....

last few days i was so afraid that bad things might happen again..
haiz.. family problems...
yesterday i went out with my sister...
i finally tell her my story...
she was so angry with him also..
but she say.. she know that feeling..
she ever experienced it..
then tomorrow i'm going to seminar..
i scare....
i scare that he is going.. PLS...
he don go can ma.. i really don wan to meet him..
i really don wan..
i afraid that i cannot control myself..
i afraid that i will sad..
I DON WANT
i don wan him to see me like this!!!!
i want him to know that i CAN live without him...

EMPTY PROMISES??

gosh...
i break those promises again...
i hate it..
i hate it..
i almost can do it..
but today i cry for him again...
ish ish ish...
I HATE YOU...
all is your fault giving me empty promises...
Is you says that u will promise me those thing..
i hate you... i hate empty promises...
and now u said it was my fault??
my fault to love you??!
i hate you so much now..
do u know how much i hurt??
stop hurting me could you?
could i stop loving you???

i hate to <3 you...

I MISS THAT MOMENT.....

2 weeks passed.... In this two weeks.. he's ignoring me...
i've tried alot of time to act normal but it jus wont work...
i cant cheer him up..
i'm still invisible for him...
he said i was his best friend..
but did he treat me so???
Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!
i just wants u to reply me...
i just need you be at my side..
even if you're far..
i still miss you.. even if u ignore me..
i still cant stop missing you..
stop ignoring me could you.. its hurt dear...
i miss the sweet msg u sended to me..
the sweet moment when we're together..
even it was short..
i still love it..

missing him is harder than loving him...

this few days was busy with school's activities...
the netball competition..
but even if im busy...
i still miss him...
i miss him alot... i really don know what should i do?
i'm still deciding weather to continue sms him or what...
i find him he no reply..
and u know what the ex said? the ex asked him.. why no find me?
he said... cause i don wan YOU to missunderstand...
ish...he never care for my feeling...
he only cares bout him... i'm tired of this...
i cannot say i don love him anymore..
cause i cannot manage to stop it... haiz...