things are not the same.... ANYMORE...

thinking for a couple day..

a past? and hurt memory

some memories never fade...

need you now~

and i wonder if i ever crossed you mind??
for me it happens all the time~
its a quater after one, i'm all alone and i need you now....


i really need someone now..
for me to complain on~
for me to cry on....
sweetie was enjoying talking bout her happy day~
and im totally unhappy at all~
i wish to talk to her bout it~
but she seems to be enjoying talking bout it...
i dont know how to tell her~

dar le~ jiu busy with her bf...
i don knw how to tell her i feel~

my sister? busy with her bf all day long
i seems to be all alone again after she got bf~
i hate this feeling alot
SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!
i wan my sister...
i wan her to back~
i wan her to listen to me....
but she was so busy today~
i din went to school today...
at 10 something.. she came into my room~
and say.. i forget bout you this morning...
you know where she go?
she went to eat breakfast with her love one and her future mother in law~
hey! who am i in your heart again??
i really don know....
i have the same feeling again...
i really need someone to talk to... but who?
its not u anymore... cause you were so busy with ur boyfriend.....
my project got problem... do u know? do u even care bout it??

him... he's the one who was beside me again...
but i did not tell him bout that...
but he know that i was moody~
i refuse to tell him...
cause i don wan to "kao" on him again...
i don wan to think that he wil be with me no matter what happen....
i don wan~

i was trapped again....

i was being trapped again~
and wish that we will be together again~
but i know the person you like is will be always her~
but yesterday i asked you~
"we won't be last time anymore right?"
honestly i was really wish that you will tell me yesh~
but.... surprisingly you did not... instead a yes~ you tell me that you not sure..
cause you don know what will happen in the future....
you know what?
when you telling me all this stuff~
you are giving me hope so much..
i hate this feeling do you know that?
its been 5 months~
and you suddenly tell me that you feel sorry for me
and you wanna forget her..
are you using me? are you using me to forget her?
i hate this feeling alot... really a lot~
hmmmm... i got no one to talk about how i feel~
my sister's boyfriend is back already~
and i'm gonna lost the time to chat with my sister again~
ya.. its again....
haiz... couldnt i have any other person to get over him?
haiz.... why do he wan to look for me?
and make me trapped again~
trapped in with hope that we will be together again~
can i stop hoping? oh please... im tired...
today rain~
it was been a long period i dint play under the rain~
its really feel good and great~
its been long time not crying in the rain also~
=) i love crying under the rain~

14/7/2010

14-7-2010
5 months ago of this date...
it was our first time went out together to spring..
i wonder.. do u stil remember that?
=) memories...today also went out with you..
for the second time~
today we went for lunch only..
and being fetched by you
honestly..
i was really happy =)
but....
after reading those message you
saved in ur saved item..
my heart is broken..
he wrote lotsa msg that wanna send to her de..
all of those msg is just like the letter
that i wish to give him de..
when i read those msg..
i really almost cry~

but i hold it...
cause i do not want him to know
that i still love him...
ya.. i admit..
i still love him..
but.. i know he don't...
he love de person is her..
and its always her...
i really dont know why im so obsessed with him..
he dint like me..
why do i still like him?
evendo he is the one who hurt me the most..
and..
i still FORGIVE him...
aiks....
i still love him.. i hate to say that...
i'm not a princess...
this aint a fairytale...
its too late for you and your white horse to come around....
this songs is just so right for me..
aiks..

did i just.....

did i just thinking bout him again?
aiks...
did i just saw him?

yesterday night went to watch movie with my sweetie..
before that.. i did msn with him and tell him that
im going to watch movie with my sweetie at spring..
then.. when i reach the main door~
i wanna go to my sister shop.. i saw him walk pass~
O-M-GEE...
i was so.. aiks....
hmmm...
i always say i dont care him
i don wan this
i don wan that..
but in my heart...
i really wish alot~
aiks... that day i told my teacher bout him
my teacher suddenly say...
i can see something
then i ask her..see what?
she say.. i can see that u still care for him alot actually...
evendo you die also don wan admit..
but i know, u care for him...
if he really likes you, and so do u.. why don you just let it happen?
aiks.. i just keep quite..
then my teacher say, i say it correct edi isnt it?
just admit it you fool!

hahahahah... xDD

i've been thinking and thinking every night~
thinking...
he loves me not?
he loves me not?
i don even know what is the answer
what i wish is..
faster wake up in the morning
go for school..
go home~ and find him to chat in msn
hahaha.. u must be thinking why dont sms..
the thing is i dont have his number..
and he don have my number
so... like that lo... xDD

so..
all i can do is waiting for you~
waiting for you to want my number..
waiting for you to find me..
waiting for you to say that you miss me..
waiting for you to say that you love me..

but im afraid of putting too much hope on it..
aiks... >.<>
just feel confuse..
thats all...

why?

today~ 11 july 2010..
you find me back..
do u know it has been 4 months u are not contacting me already..
don u think time pass so fast?
aiks...
you find me at msn.. say..
hi..
then i reply u..
are you sending the wrong msg again? >.<
you say no...
that time..
i really don know i should smile or worry..
smile cause u finally find me...
you wont know how much i missed you..
but i worry..
you know why?
cause i afraid to have the feeling of losing you again...
i afraid of crying for u again..
again and again..
u know when u find me..
i got so many question wanna ask u..
wanna ask u why u treat me like that?
wanna ask you why did u leave me?
wanna ask you.. do u ever love me?
wanna ask u.. do u ever miss me?
wanna ask u.. why u find me now...
wanna ask u.. are u going to leave me and hurt me again?

but i couldnt find the answer in my brain..
i was so afraid that the answer was wrong..
i dont even dare to say that i still love you..
i dont even dare to been hurt again..
dont you know that im afraid?
you always confuse me...
you always do stuff confused me..
tell me what should i do to stop all this question in my head???

i believe =)

i dont care anymore!
cause i believe =)

i believe that there is star in the sky
i believe that star will keep to us
i believe that there are love around us
friends love
family love
and one true love

i just haven manage to find another person that truly love me..
and i truly love him.. =)
i believe that there's still someone that will be beside you
no matter where are u or who are you...
cause this person is your invisible friend =)
he or she is there for you whenever you need them...
yes.. i truly believe in it..
after i read that story book..
i start to believe in these..

hahhaha.. am i being influence?
anyway.. i think its a good thing for me to think that?

love i believe that true love DO exist...
and i also believe that its still early yet.. im still young..
and i do have a lot of time doing all this love
this what i should concentrate now is my study =)
yes..
cause i love my family.. and i don wanna let them down... this do happen~

don you believe it?
XD you should start to believe in it people...
or maybe you should read the story book entitled
(if you could see me now-cecelia ahern)
its really a nice story, trust me =)

sweet kiss =) (i wish i could)

today.. got someone say me is a very rough girl
and will never be sweet to my love de..
XD but... i do..
i really do... if you dont believe..
you could read through my blog from the starting..
all this while..
i only love him..
even he dont love me... this shows that i truly love someone..
not like others ok? i would really treat my *future boyfriend...
really sweet de.. as in the photo..

if i could..... =(

if i could...
if i could give you one thing in life..
i would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes
only then would you realize how special are you to me...

then you will know how important are u to me..
i'm sick.. and i needed someone so much..
but you are not here with me..
when i wanna cry..
or i need a shoulder to lie on..
i suddenly realise...
you not there for me anymore..
im all alone here..

jenny chew.. cant u still accept the truth till now?
you stupid idoit girl.. i hate you so much.. haiz...
the headache.. and those sickness.. can you get away from me? im tiring edi...
really tired... i need to study while doing this and that...

i kinda angry with you
do you know that?
on my birthday you never care to take an off day for me..
or to celebrate with me..
now.. your bf is coming back.. and you straight take off day on that day
it hurt me do u know that?
you never know that..
cause you never care bout that...
you know what i care!

this few days... got mood swing..
i wanna sms.. but it seems like i do not have someone to sms to..
after not with him..
i can feel the lonelyness in my heart..

quote from the book i read~
"when a glass or a mirror breaks.. it make noise...
when it drop and breaks into pieces..
it make noise too..
but when our hearts break into pieces..
no one could listen to the noise inside my heart..
when our hearts break into pieces... its in silent way..."

dont you think it sound so rite????
i think i should go to rest edi.. its kinda late.. plus.. im sick..
goodnite sweetie =) <3